I've been wondering when did we as black people really stop loving each other? What happened to the black family? How did we become such a lonely people? One day I'll have to explain to my daughters the things a man should never do to a woman and they will say to me "why did you do that to mom?" My answer will be because I wasn't taught how to love. Then I thought why wasn't I taught that. Then I realized my father wasn't taught that so how could he teach me? I'm out in the world alot and hear nothing but stories from black women of bad ass relationships they've been in. It made me realize I've been good sex for more women than I've been a good boyfriend for and that's not good. I've been wanting to write this for a long time but didn't know how to start it out. So I figured I state a bunch of examples of things that helped tear the black family apart. Because it's deeper than just "that nigga ain't shit". Everything below is a mix of my own knowledge, life experience and research.
There is no one more lost than the African American. Our origin here left us with no ties to our homeland. We were given a language and religion that wasn't our own. Every other race you think of has a history that ties back to the beginning of time. They have traditions they've passed on for centuries. Family crests and shit that predates their history before the "discovering" of America. The african american history starts with slavery. Alot of us still have that mind state today. I say all that to say this, you can't know where you are going without knowing where you've been.
The 80's and 90's was very gang infested. You had grown men that have never left their hood. Live in los angeles and have never been to the beach. I belong to no sets but I understand that lifestyle. My mom was/is a Crip from watts and I was raised in pasadena, a Blood filled city. Getting to the point, we had generations of blacks men killing other black men. Now add to the fact he left behind a woman and kid(s). It's not as bad as it used to be but the damage to black neighborhoods is already shown.
Before the cocaine and crack epidemic, the black family was way more intact. When you look at drug arrests, the majority of them for both for drug dealers and drug users are African American men. Not saying we use/sell all the drugs, but we definitely get arrested the most for it. You have cities of single parent homes because the majority of men were in jail for drug related reasons. Whether it be drugs themselves or something supporting the habit like stealing. You can get more time in jail for drugs than you can for murder and it's way more black drug related cases than black murder cases.
If you are a woman who gets government assistance for you and your kids, you will get less money if you report having your man/their dad living with you. This caused a lot of men to live outside the home. That really just sounded crazy to me as I typed that but it's definitely came up a lot in my studies and something I've witnessed. "You can't be here cuz if they find out you're here they will kick me off county". So he leaves his woman and kids and makes a life with the next woman he can live with. Poor blacks aren't living for love. They are living for a place to stay.
Black daughters growing up in single mom homes in America will tend to hear things like "Niggas ain't shit", "You don't need no man", "I did it without him" from their mom. Not every home but definitely in alot of them. As a result of that we had a generation of women who put love on hold for their career. Because to them being a strong black women meant being independent and being independent meant being alone. "I can't be tied down right now and have kids. What about my career?". So when there was a generation of broke single moms, their daughters grew up to have better jobs but be just as alone as their mom had always been. It seemed like black women in the 90's picked careers that had them school til they were 30. Then working another 5 years to get to a point where you felt ready to have a baby. But by then "all the good black men are taken" as the saying goes.
The media portrays whites as in control, all asians as smart and blacks as sex crazed. Most romance movies star white actors and titled names like "Pretty Woman". Black romance movies star people who look good and are titled names "Why Did I Get Married?". The advertisements/movies/music/music videos for blacks involve a sexy woman, a expensive car and diamonds. On the white shows, the couple is either married or in relationships that go on for several seasons. On black shows its a revolving door of sexy dates. Each week is a new sexy guest star boyfriend/girlfriend. #Message. Our music right now is very "we met tonight at the club but we fucking tonight!" driven. Just sooooo ratchet. There were more black families and black love when New Edition and Boyz II Men were popping.
ANGRY BLACK MAN
The stress of trying to avoid all of the above examples and "play ball" with corporate america is enough to kill you from the inside out. There are alot of men who take all that stress from the outside world and take it out on their woman at home.
Women outnumber men by great numbers. In some areas it's 12 women to every one man. This has given even the most pathetic man the right to be choosey. Guys that should be happy to get a date are dogging women out. Making it hard for the next man.
All these conditions tear the black family apart. I could've talked about more like black veterans coming home from war all fucked up, std's and other stuff but this is what I feel did the most harm. Other races experience this but when you have no foundation, like African American's, it's a lot worse. After slavery ended and all black people had was each other, each day after that got better for black people. The black family. The respect for our neighborhood. But then it hit a wall and hav suffered every since.
Look at it like this:
-your uncle is a crack addict
-your cousins gang bang
--both bloods and crips
--they fight at every family function
-Your teen sister is pregnant
-Your dad is in jail with some years
-Your mom works 2 jobs to support the family
--she was too busy for those "talks about life"
-Your older brother is a drug dealer
When is there time to think about love and starting a family? How do you even build something you have no experience with? It can definitely be done but it takes work.
I would really like to hear back from anyone on this. Hit the comment section or my twitter @CdotVERSY