What to do when suicide doesn't work

I figured I'd explain the 16 from yesterday. When I was 13 I attempted to commit suicide. It didn't work at all...obviously lol. I was going through a lot at the time. I had recently found out I was given up as a baby and my parents weren't really my parents. And I had 6 lil brothers and sisters who were taken in a foster home due to the reasons in the song "Open Letter". And I just had regular teen drama that I don't even remember anymore lol. One day on my way home from school, I stole a pack of rat poison from Ralphs (funny that I later on became a Ralphs security guard). Then I went to Jack n the box and got a cup of water. I dumped the entire box rat poison in the cup and just casually walked home, drinking my death juice. It was nasty, I don't have to tell you that. I didn't feel a thing tho. But I think it affected my stomach because it just rumbles for no reason every now and then. And I have a muscle separation between my abs that I never noticed before I was 13. Other than that, I'm good. Mentally, after it didn't work, I figured I had a bigger purpose and went to work on the person you see now. And quite frankly, I'm the shit *smiles so the dimples show*

My point in writing about this is the hope that some one realizes life isn't that bad. You can always turn things around. Don't be the person who attempts suicide and it works and you leave behind a grieving family. DAMMIT go out there and be somebody lol

My Daily 16 bars: Day 16

My Daily 16 bars: day 16
When I was 13, I decided to ONE myself//
But I'm only 13, I can't get a gun myself//
Then I thought about slicing my wrist with a blade//
But couldn't cut deep enough, wasn't that brave//
Then I thought about popping mad pills//
But my mom needs her meds, she's ill//
Finally, I got it, the decision is in//
I'mma swallow a box of rat poison//
So here I am, eating defcon and drinking wa-ter//
Figured I'd feel sleepy when its all o-ver//
Its hard to swallow, I start choking//
Somethings wrong, this shit ain't working//
I mean, I feel fine, like it never happened//
Figured I'd be getting ready to see that casket//
Guess I'll go back home and sit down//
And just try to move on with my life now//

My friday night

I had to talk about this. I don't like white clubs. Reason being, white clubs aren't about having fun. They only let in "pretty people" and nothing is popping unless your gonna buy $400 bottles. Black clubs or just urban clubs in general are about fun in general. I say all this because I was promoting for at a white club friday night and I had no white people on my guestlist. They letting in a gang of white chicks. No white guys unless you got girls with you. No niggas or fat people. I had a couple big people on my list. They came dressed up tho, looking good but kept getting the run around. I'm over it. I'm going back to pumping my own shit because I let people in if they dressed and ready to spend money. I was at the door all night trynna get my people in, ended up sick and didn't go in the club cuz they vibe was off. I'm going hard with the Best Coast events starting in feb. WORD!

Why you can't find mr right

Here's a conclusion I've come to. Girls are always looking for mr right...in most cases. You had that boyfriend when you were 16 who you thought you were gonna marry. Didn't happen, right? Here's why...

A man hits his sexual peak around 18 (I read that somewhere). So all we trynna do from puberty to high school is fuck. If we meet someone before college, it doesn't work because you get to college and its pussy everywhere. So we have time for 2 things, class and fucking.

After 4 years of college, we on the hunt for that job we majored in. We're 21. Once we get it, its gonna take a few years of hard work and brown nosing to get a comfortable lifestyle. At this point, the man is 25 atleast, depending on his major and how much extra years of school he had, he's 32.

A woman is looking for mr right all her life. A man isn't looking for ms right until his life is settled.

Even the average hood nigga wants to fuck around til about the same age as the businessman. The because its nothing but pussy in the hood. Single moms and girls who man is fucking other niggas so you fucking her. But then again, how many girls think there mr right is a hood nigga?

That doesn't mean you can't meet mr right young but chances are, he was mr wrong at the time and you didn't stick it out to see him become a better person. So do you wait for him to mature/change whatever or do you wait til you meet mr right when he's already mature?

A girl will marry a man no matter what shape her life is in. A man won't say I do til everything is right

I don't know, this blog is kinda up in the air. I don't feel like I got my point across lol. Point is (I guess) if you ready to find mr right, find a guy who has his life together. He has nothing to worry about except making you happy.