Monday, December 29, 2008

Reasons men cheat

This will be another long entry lol...

Women say all men cheat and I pretty much believe this to be true and I'm going to explain why.

First let me give some reasons. The number one reason is because women out number men in such big numbers. Its 12 to 1 in some areas. That gives even the ugliest man reason to cheat. Because there will always be a girl out there whose lonely, given up hope and doesn't care if she's the woman on the side. They just want some they can lay with at night because, man or woman, going to sleep alone is wack

2nd reason is boredom. If a man has too much time on his hands, that opens up the window for bad thoughts. Like "I wonder (insert exes name here) is doing" or "I wonder what chicks are online right now". Shit like that. Its nothing that his girl has done wrong, he just was bored and wasn thinking clearly.

Third reason, the girl your in a relationship with changed. Meaning she's not the person you fell in love with. Maybe she gained weight, stopped working so now her hair and clothes ain't fly, lost ambition. By that I mean, she became all about you and forgot about her goals. Ladies, making a man your whole world is a good way to drive him away or get taken advantage of. But back to the who change thing, guys don't want you to change. We want the girl we met with the banging body, good job, goals, had her own friends, etc.

Fourth reason, your girl is just an asshole. You got with her because she was the finest thing in the club but once you started going out you realized she had no class, loud, disrespectful, etc. You don't leave her because she's so fine. She knows she's so she gives you the "take it or leave it" excuse. In those cases, the guy will usually cheat with some1 unattractive but with a whole lot of personality.

The fifth reason, and probably the biggest, is because he can. We only do what women allow. If you let us get away with it once, depending on how fast you fuck us again, we'll do it again. Dick will turn a women's whole mind around. If you let your man fuck too soon after you caught him cheating, it shows that that's all it takes to get back in your good graces.

"Have her call me, I'll tell her the big dick ain't worth all the stress"
-Disappearing Acts

Last reason is simple. You not doing something in the bedroom. Ladies, trust me, if you won't do it, that loney girl will do whatever we ask. Quickest way to get cheated on is saying "I don't give head". I'm not saying do whatever he asks, like 3somes and shit. But don't super limit yourself either.

Myself, I've cheated. Never thought I would but I was "that guy" at one point. I was the awkward kid in school. I didn't really grow into my looks until right after high school graduation. I looked better, dressed better and had everything going for me. Great paying job, my own apartment at 18 and I could fuck...and I was working out lol. I'd get bored and call an ex up or meet some chick online and FACE would always find out. She'd catch me in bed with a chick or find text messages in my phone, she'd cry, I'd say I'm sorry and do it again. I was an asshole. Funny thing, I saw pops do the same thing to mom #3 and said I'd never be "that guy". Atleast now I know how to be a better boyfriend/man/husband but it took hurting people to get to that point.

To sum it all up, there are no good reasons to cheat but there are all reasons. Which reason are you?...

Saturday, December 27, 2008

X-Mas with the "dot"

Aight, so Christmas was a few days ago. Its really all about the kids. No adults got gifts from me. There is a reason for that. In '96 for xmas, I got pencils...and a plastic baseball holder...but no baseballs. You can totally tell my "parents" waiting til the last minute to buy gifts. That's what happens when you spend the shopping money on crack. I forget what my lil brothers and sisters got but it was something you could've gotten at a 24 hour Walgreens.

Anyway, I promised to myself to make my kids xmas better than that. Since I got layed off this month, my money was been slim. Any dollar I've made this last few weeks, I earned doing random things and didn't ask for with no job(hates asking for money). It was christmas eve and I still had no gifts. I got out of a meeting so late that just about every store was closed. I was not going home without a gift lol. I finally found a store that had vicious prices on gifts. I got a ton of toys and some stuff for my son to wear. I don't pay child support for him so I had to get him gifts. I pay alot of child support for my daughter so part of that made her xmas happy. She got alot of shit. She still needs some shoes tho, so today I'mma go get her some. My son needs pants also. A father's work is never done lol.

I didn't want anything this year. Just been putting stuff together for next year. People hate when I get in this mode because they get ignored lol. Oh well. I ate alot on food on xmas. Too much. Then I got high. Too high. Time to get ready for new years...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

By request, lyrics to "Open Letter"

No I never pumped the block// But I used to walk the block// In hoodies and holey socks// With my mom to get her rocks// She was sucking crazy cock// Just so pops can get his rocks// Til the cops got her locked// Couple months she was knocked// Letters and pictures from me and my sisters// Saying we miss ya// Waiting on you to be delivered// Back to us and not this nigga//Whose kicking you in your liver// Making your life sicker// This a open letter// Get better//

Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)

Moms, why he grabbing you// Moms, why he smacking you//Moms, what's all these bruises on the front and back of you// Sorry I ain't big enough to go and run and tackle dude// But bet if I was, he'd be showing you some gratitude// You cook and clean for his kids// He should cater to his Wiz(Wisdom)// I know it ain't fair// How he drags you by your hair// Can't call the cops you scared// He gonna beat you til you dead// But you don't listen, you take him back the next day// You don't think, you high as fuck in the first place// Because you love him, the kids suffereing everyday// He won't be happy til he puts you in that morge place// He raise his hand again, cool// I pull my knife out on dude// He husband/fathering who?// He better watch how I move// Cuz I don't tolerate disrespect momma// And we kids to young for all this drama//

Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)

So you kicked him out// Now we on a cash drought// What we gonna do now?// I gotta steal to feed mouths// You still couldn't get it right// You'd still hit the pipe// You'd smoke away your life// We'd go hungry at night// I know you aching// When the kids got taken// I can hear your heart breaking// Sympathy, you gets nathun// Cuz you part of the 2 reasons they gone// pedophile dad, crackhead moms//I hope where ever you at, you finally sober now// We lost a lot of time, I'm grown with a kid now// We need to catch up, just me you and lil man// Open letter from your son slash your biggest fan// I said we need to catch up, just me, you and lil man// Open letter from your son slash your biggest fan//

Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)

Saturday, December 20, 2008

FLASHBACK: Thanksgiving

I think it was 2000 and me and mom#2 (read earlier blog entry) had nowhere to go for thanksgiving. We usually go to my uncle's house but this year he is in jail so its just me and mom. We didn't cook. We were going to go to my aunts but neither of us felt like it. We ordered pizza instead. That was probably my favorite thanksgiving to date. We just sat and talked and ate pizza. My mom gets on my nerves sometimes but she's the best. She don't have to worry about me getting all "eminem/cleaning out my closet" on her lol

Thursday, December 18, 2008

This chapter is called "THE LAYOFF"

So I walk in the house monday night and as soon as I walk in I get a call from my job. The call is saying that they are laying off all the seasonal workers before the season is over. I was starting to tolerate this job and actually was looking forward to making the transition from seasonal employee to regular employee but when they called I was relieved.

I'm relieved because I honestly hate any job that's not music. Relieved because I won't be working my ass off just so child support can take over half of my check. Relieved because I can stop treating music like some part time shit.

This is probably the greatest thing to happen to me on the professional stand point. As soon as that call was done, I was back on my shit. I set up meetings, studio time, got new artist for the label and things are rolling. I'm going to make music pay because I have the smarts to do it, I just never had the time. Now I'm putting my foot in the rap game's ass. From here on out, I'll always have an update for you on the rap side of things. Keep reading people, its going to be a amazing ride



And now back to our regularly scheduled grind...I mean program *smiles*

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Flashback: Mortal Kombat

I found myself playing Mortal Kombat Trilogy the other day on ps2 and that took me way back. I haven't really played it since the 90's on super nintendo lol. Things were simplier then. I was in elementary, had a crush on a girl named christina who had a phat ass lol, and I passed time by creating whole worlds with legos.

My best friends were eric and jamal, I heard my first 2pac tape and had my 1st sleep over at my asian homeboy Vincents house.

I was on the honor roll and got academic awards all the time.

Mortal Kombat back then was catching a lot of slack cuz of all the blood in the game. You either had mortal kombat or street fighter or both.

Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle was the new shit and power rangers was popping. The 1st generation of power rangers lol.

Friday, December 12, 2008

How a jumpoff becomes a relationship

I figured I'd write this after a conversation I had in the studio. Enjoy. Oh and I'm writing from a guys perspective.

Ok, so it starts out real simple. You call/text this girl up when you want some sex. Nothings wrong with her, its just circumstances keep her from being your girl. Either she has a man, you have a girl, your busy, she's busy, etc. You don't go out unless its to kill time til you can fuck.

Here lies the problem. You as the guy can't give the girl some weak dick cuz word gets out that you can't fuck. So what do you do? You fuck her like she's your girl. Do all the back breaking shit you do to a chick you love. The pro's and con's of that is word gets out that your a great fuck and her homegirls hit you up on some side shit and the con is the jumpoff confuses lust with love. She starts wanting to do shit besides fucking or stuff that doesn't end with you fucking. You don't say anything because you got used to sex on the regular and don't feel like going through the process of breaking in a new chick.

Now months go by, the jumpoff has become your girl and has phased herself into your life. Met your fam on the holidays, met your friends, top 8 in your myspace, number 1 in your fav 5, wack ass pics you took in the mall, tons of non sex nights.

How do you avoid this? There are a few solutions. Dip as soon as she starts not giving up the ass. Or fuck with the purpose of pleasing yourself mostly. Don't set dates. Only meet up if its understood that your fucking and make plans to leave after.

Matter of fact, don't even give up last names, myspaces, home number, etc.

Luckily I'm starting to gain some status and people are starting to know my name and got my ringtones and shit lol that I don't deal with that type of drama anymore. Me and my girl might jump off roleplay tho...that sounds like a idea lol

Sunday, December 7, 2008


If you know really know me then you know I have 3 moms. I'm going to attempt to break this down. The order is based on appearance, not by importance

MOM #1: Her name is Sheila. This is my birth mom. For whatever reason, I was given up at a few months old. Born in september and given up around that december. I was given to some one who was a friend of my mom and that person took me to her mom.

MOM #2: Her name is Celia. This is the mom of the person I was originally given to. When she got me, I was dirty. My skin was coming off my body from wearing the same dirty ass diaper and I had no skin on my scalp. She didn't take me to a hospital because child services would take me and apparently I was given up from Sheila because she was on her way to jail and didn't want me to end up with children services. Celia nursed me back to health. At the time she was with a man named Ronald. When they split, he took me with him. I was a couple years old at this point.

MOM #3: Her name is Debra. Ronald got with her after splitting with Celia. They were a couple who were hooked on drugs and had no kids. Ronald had a daughter with another woman, my lil sis Ash, and then they began to have their own kids. 5 of them. In 98, 99 I moved back with Celia because I was on a downward spiral and its been me and Celia (momma san) since.

I was lead to believe Celia was my birth mom til mom #3 told me the truth in 97. Funny thing, I kinda always knew it. I always knew there was a big ass secret everyone was keeping from me. I didn't meet Sheila until 2005 and that's only because FACE looked my fam up online. Shit took 5 mins. Sheila kept in touch with people who knew my whereabouts but she never contacted me. She had my number and everything but never called, wrote a letter, etc. I called and talked my uncle and aunt and eventually a big sis who said they had been looking for me but they didn't know my last name or what city I was in. I found out Sheila was in jail and the following week I caught the train from LA to Salinas, CA. Me and pregnant ass FACE lol. If you've ever see Antwon Fisher movie, it was just like that. I walked in and everyone was there. Cousins, brother, sisters, aunts, uncle, grandma and a bunch of food. Lil brother looks like me. Its weird to see some1 that looks like you so late in life. The next morning me, FACE, my big sis and her husband made the drive to see my mom at the jail. She had no idea I was coming. I just sat down on the other side of the glass. The convo went like this:

ME: Hi mom
SHEILA: Hi...who are you
ME: I'm Randy
SHEILA: What's your name?
ME: Randy Conner
SHEILA: My son Randy?
ME: Yes

At this point, she starts crying and telling the other female inmates who I am. After that visit I went back home and came back when she was released. Actually, it was the day before my birthday. The day before, I met my dad for the first time. He's a truck driver and had just hit cali from mississippi a day before Hurricane Katrina. He looks and walks like me. Me, him and pregnant ass FACE lol drove in his truck trailer from my crib in Glendale, CA back to Salinas and I met his side of the family and we all went to see my mom in a rehab/halfway house. The next day was my birthday. I saw Sheila once then. I never got an explanation for why I was given up and the rest of her kids weren't and why she never hit me up. So until I get that explanation, I won't be calling her.


Debra is the woman I'm talking about in the song "open letter". That song hurts to perform now because i found out she didn't get the point and is back to smoking crack. So expect a part 2 soon. Her 5 kids ended up in a foster home after I moved out in 99. 3 girls, 2 boys. All 3 girls ran away from the home one by one. Deb has made no attempt to get her kids (my lil brothers and sisters) back. So its a big "fuck you" for life. If you haven't heard "open letter" then go check it out. She saw me perform it once and cried. That's why I made the song. Just for her.

So yea, its just me and Celia aka C.C. Baby aka Momma San *asian voice*. She get on my damn nerves but that's my nigga lol. I drop everything when she needs me. She's old and sick and I promised her a castle when I was little so I'm working on it now before she leaves this earth.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008


So I'm sitting up watching "Britney Spears: For the record" and I'm reflecting over my life (weird...right?) and I'm just overly frustrated for alot of reasons

I'm upset that I can't do anything about my music situation. I can't do shows without a car. Can't get to the studio which means I can't finish my mixtape and give my manager something to manage. I'm too busy trynna go to work and go to interviews for a second job. So now my head is full of ideas that I can't put to a beat or to a pro tools session rather.

I'm also upset because people around me aren't struggling like I am. My son's mom goes to the club every weekend. My daughters mom is buying a new lap child support dollars hard at work. I don't want to see people suffer but shit, I don't want people happy around me either lol. I'd rather just be alone

And in me wanting to be alone, I can't get a moment to myself it seems. Everybody wants to asks whats wrong and I hate that. If you not going to help, why ask?

Having a car will end all my frustrations because then I can get a 2nd job easier, get to the studio and just get away when people get on my nerves. Until I get a car, I'mma channel my rage into working out lol. I'm gonna be so ripped. At this point, I'd cop a bucket just to get away

Time to hit craigslist and see who selling buckets in the recession lol