Just felt like being brutally honest and had no1 to talk to. So awhile back I gave you the reasons why men cheat. The one thing I never did was explain why I cheated. Wasn't ready to be scrutinized by my readers but fuck it, I'm first name Contro, last name Versy. How the fuck can I not speak on? Why hold my tongue now? So here it goes...
Yes, I've cheated...but I'm not a cheater. That make sense? Difference is, I didn't cheat with every girlfriend. Just had a series of indescrestions with one female. Couple times where just cause but mainly it was because she just wasn't the woman I fell in love with. The reasons she loved me started being the reasons she couldn't stand me. Its not that I changed, I just grew more into who I was already becoming. In the beginning, I could play her songs by an artist and she would already know them, heard the song, had they first album on CASSETTE lol, all that shit. She was a go getter, in college, working, kept her hair done. Bottom line, she was a bad bitch. Then I fucked up and cheated and that was the beginning of the end. That fell under reasons I mentioned in the cheating blog. We got back together but from then on things were tainted. We began to fight about me talking to exes, not fucking, just talking. That just pushed me further away. Each accusation combined with shit going on in her own life seemed to break her down more. Then she got pregnant, which meant no school and no working while I did both. After the baby I kinda kept the trend going of her having to do nothing but stay home and take care of the baby. But then we'd fight about her doing nothing. I was working 2 jobs and on the bus so I'd be home for 2 hours in the morning between shifts and an hour in the evening. I'd spend that time with the baby and cleaning. How do you get mad some1 for doing what yo should be doing. That pushed me further away. I began to just stop coming home. I'd just wander the streets by myself because it was just better than going home to a dirty house and hearing her talk shit when I tried to clean up. Like im doing her job too. Honestly, I possess a lot of attractive qualities and I spend my day out in the world. Women out number men like 9 to 1 in cali. I began to meet girls who would do whatever to be around me. I didn't take most up on they offer but eventually, if u have burgers everday, u'll want a steak. Its not that these women were better, they just had what she did when I met her. Like she became this whole other person. She didn't listen when I tried to tell her about something hip hop related, a current event, a new song and she wouldn't take any interest but these girls would hang on to my every word. I'd give her a book to read so we could have long back and forth discussions about them but she would start a book and not finish or never start. But these girls would read that shit in 2 days. She began to criticize my decisions to move forward with music or shut down every new idea I had with "you always coming up with something" and change the subject to me finding another job. But these girls want to hear all about my idea, how I came up with it, how I plan to execute it and everything. She used to know my songs word for word but now I can't even get her to listen to my new shit. She can't tell you a line, a hook, how many songs I have. But these girls catch the bus to my shows, buy my cds, learn the words. To this day, if you bumped into her, she can't tell you what my last cd cover said, the name of my new mixtape, how many artist I have, etc. So I continue to cheat and she continues to catch me. I kinda always want her to, hoping it would make her change. Make her ask "why them and not me". Even when that was asked and answered, nothing changed. She just broke down more. She wouldn't do her hair or dress up unless she went out with her friends. Even putting on make up for em. But she'll walk around me in the same purple nightgown for days. Add that to the fact that sex became too predictable. 2 to 3 positions max and always the same 3. Positions that have me doing all the work. No head. Eventually it became a chore and no1 likes chores. But there are women out here who will blow a niggas back out, swallow the nut and cook you breakfast lol. When you all this adding, she's missing a lot of points. The question becomes "why don't you leave". The answer is, I felt ike I owed her something because I enabled her to become this person. And you add the years up, how do you leave some one who had your son and was with you when you had nothing. And she usually did something to make me believe things would be ok. Plus, she's a great person. She don't see the problems I see. All she see's is me cheating. She thinks it's cuz I'm impatient. Not even.
Bottom line, no excuse for what I did. Should've been man enough to address and trash the issues or leave.
Wack part is since its over and I addressed the issues, the new nigga is going to benefit from all my hard work. Believe me, I'm happy as he with her moving on but come on. She loves bowliuiend. I could never get her to bowl with me in 5 years. I guarantee that her and the new nigga go bowling before xmas. I couldn't get her to ride dick but I bet she's this new nigga's porn star. Even tho I hurt her, it was never on purpose. She likes to say shit to make me mad. To the point I want to knock her head off. I can't look at her. I can't even be her friend. Wack part is I have to see her everyday and allow her to give me attitude because in the grand scale of things, I did her wrong. All in all, I hope I didn't make life for her new man a living hell lol. Anyway, I don'tknow how to end this. I just showed an amazing amout of vulnerability for a rapper lol
Im tired. Peace
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Interview with Cam'ron!
This is my second interview with True Magazine. I didn't get to do the face to face because Cam is in NY and I'm in cali but I wrote the questions she asked him. She didn't ask certain questions right. You could tell she wasn't a dip fan lol
MY FIRST PUBLISHED INTERVIEW!
I interviewed Paul Wall last month for True Magazine. Here is the layout of the interview. I'm proud of myself lol. My intro could have been better tho. I have to grab that thesaurus next time...word lol. I can't figure out how to shrink it because blogspot chops it in half. But if you click it you might be able to read it in its full size
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Sick Wit It
I'm dying...well, not really. Just sick. Got a sore throat that is uber annoying. Had a fever and was dizzy earlier but meds not that out. I'm sitting here now about to eat a hot dog and coming up with questions for my Mims interview that's coming up soon and was on some random thoughts. This all came from a conversation I had with someone from NY. He claimed cali was always late in fashion. That we rock what NY used to rock and that we have no style. This is just my reason for his thoughts. So without further ado...THE EVOLUTION OF LA URBAN STYLE
When people outside of california usually think about how we dress, they all have that image of NWA, the movie Colors or any other gang movie in mind. Like we still wear flannel shirts and khakis and snap back caps. It doesn't help that the only southern hip hop images to the rest of the world are a blood and a crip who stay with creased dickies and chucks on. The reason we were stuck in time for so long is this, out here you can't leave your hood to buy clothes. Everyone knows how gang life is out here. Its no joke. So rather than cross through our enemies hood to go to the mall for the new shit, you go to your local discount store or t-shirt warehouse and just cop pro clubs, dickies and fat laces. Every hood has a shoe store but not every hood has some where that you can buy hot new clothes. Most stores in the hood got the bootleg shit. And all the niggas is wearing the same bootleg shit. We didn't know what was hot because we didn't go to the mall that much to see. You relied on what you saw in videos. Not know that by the time the video came out, that shit isn't hot anymore.
But... now, fashion is more apart of life than anything else. It used to be either you banged or you didn't. Then when the black clothing lines started popping up sean john and roca wear, you had to have it. Karl Kani and Phat Farm was out but it didn't really appeal to the urban youth. It was a grown mans take on how to be hip and dressy. Then you could shop online or through magazines like eastbay. Real talk, I had that magazine but never ordered shit from it. You used to know be able to wear 2 or more different labels together, they called it cross dressing. Its not like that anymore. You can mix and match now along as the color scheme is right. shoes match the shirt that match the hat. Not sure when Melrose popped off but all the sudden Melrose was the shit. They have every kind of clothes that's hot. And its not in any one's "hood". I found out about it because of a record store that I found online called Fat Beats. I also think the fashion boom comes from all the independent designers out here. We have the top fashion school out here in LA. Its too the point where we all know one tight ass designer.
It was once cool to all dress the same, now its about being an individual. We stopped dressing like the east coast and started wearing shit from other countries. Japanese denim and shit like that. We started actually putting money towards our appearance. Especially around 01-02 when niggas was putting gucci, LV and burberry on everything they wore. No one wants to be the same anymore. We all want to be the first one to wear something instead of saying "I got that too". I remember when none of my friends had the internet and now we are all online everyday. You can find out whats hot, what's suppose to be hot next, where to find it, etc. all online. Don't get me wrong, you still got the chucks and dickies in the closest but we also got the new new shit too because the clubs don't play on that dress code shit lol. You gotta dress like Neyo to get on the club now
Fashion all starts with the shoes. When they started making better casual shoes, clothing lines had to make better outfits to go with them. I stopped buying basketball shoes soo many years ago. I only buy shoes now if I plan to buy a whole outfit with it. Remember when you had to get something to go with your air force ones in that new color that just came out?
So in all, we went from dickies and pro clubs, to denim suits, to gucci/LV/burberry monogram, to throw backs, to button ups. Now its soo many different things. You are just free to do you. Skinny jean gangstas are all over lol. I blame lil wayne and jim jones. Funny thing is, cali is dressing better and NY is going back to the bubble vest, carhartt jackets and shit. Like its "One more chance" video shoot in this bitch lmao.
As for my personal style, that will be in another blog. I'm out. Still sick and my hot dog is gone...:(
~1~
When people outside of california usually think about how we dress, they all have that image of NWA, the movie Colors or any other gang movie in mind. Like we still wear flannel shirts and khakis and snap back caps. It doesn't help that the only southern hip hop images to the rest of the world are a blood and a crip who stay with creased dickies and chucks on. The reason we were stuck in time for so long is this, out here you can't leave your hood to buy clothes. Everyone knows how gang life is out here. Its no joke. So rather than cross through our enemies hood to go to the mall for the new shit, you go to your local discount store or t-shirt warehouse and just cop pro clubs, dickies and fat laces. Every hood has a shoe store but not every hood has some where that you can buy hot new clothes. Most stores in the hood got the bootleg shit. And all the niggas is wearing the same bootleg shit. We didn't know what was hot because we didn't go to the mall that much to see. You relied on what you saw in videos. Not know that by the time the video came out, that shit isn't hot anymore.
But... now, fashion is more apart of life than anything else. It used to be either you banged or you didn't. Then when the black clothing lines started popping up sean john and roca wear, you had to have it. Karl Kani and Phat Farm was out but it didn't really appeal to the urban youth. It was a grown mans take on how to be hip and dressy. Then you could shop online or through magazines like eastbay. Real talk, I had that magazine but never ordered shit from it. You used to know be able to wear 2 or more different labels together, they called it cross dressing. Its not like that anymore. You can mix and match now along as the color scheme is right. shoes match the shirt that match the hat. Not sure when Melrose popped off but all the sudden Melrose was the shit. They have every kind of clothes that's hot. And its not in any one's "hood". I found out about it because of a record store that I found online called Fat Beats. I also think the fashion boom comes from all the independent designers out here. We have the top fashion school out here in LA. Its too the point where we all know one tight ass designer.
It was once cool to all dress the same, now its about being an individual. We stopped dressing like the east coast and started wearing shit from other countries. Japanese denim and shit like that. We started actually putting money towards our appearance. Especially around 01-02 when niggas was putting gucci, LV and burberry on everything they wore. No one wants to be the same anymore. We all want to be the first one to wear something instead of saying "I got that too". I remember when none of my friends had the internet and now we are all online everyday. You can find out whats hot, what's suppose to be hot next, where to find it, etc. all online. Don't get me wrong, you still got the chucks and dickies in the closest but we also got the new new shit too because the clubs don't play on that dress code shit lol. You gotta dress like Neyo to get on the club now
Fashion all starts with the shoes. When they started making better casual shoes, clothing lines had to make better outfits to go with them. I stopped buying basketball shoes soo many years ago. I only buy shoes now if I plan to buy a whole outfit with it. Remember when you had to get something to go with your air force ones in that new color that just came out?
So in all, we went from dickies and pro clubs, to denim suits, to gucci/LV/burberry monogram, to throw backs, to button ups. Now its soo many different things. You are just free to do you. Skinny jean gangstas are all over lol. I blame lil wayne and jim jones. Funny thing is, cali is dressing better and NY is going back to the bubble vest, carhartt jackets and shit. Like its "One more chance" video shoot in this bitch lmao.
As for my personal style, that will be in another blog. I'm out. Still sick and my hot dog is gone...:(
~1~
Thursday, February 12, 2009
UPDATE
What's good? I have fallen off my blogging game but I'm officially back. I moved all my daily bars to a new blog, HOWTOBEANMC.blogspot.com. Add that and keep up. I felt like it was taking away from my thoughts and opinions getting across. I leave daily bars that pertain to a specific post.
So...what's been new you ask? I've been recording. I'm halfway done with my mixtape, I GOT THE O.J. GLOVES. I know I said the first mixtape would be A MAN APART but the mood of all of these songs just fit better in the IGTOJG's theme. I'll actually be doing the mixing of this one. If you know me then you know I hate mixing my own songs but I need to get back to that aspect since its what I went to college for. Been recording with MADDOX in his studio. Not sure where I'mma mix tho because he doesn't have pro tools.
I'm back performing after not performing since september I think. I'm tearing stages down with my new shit. I finally got that songs I want. The shit that sounds good in a club but isn't a club song. I still do my "back pack emcee" thing. Tracks like "Lo Lo Drop" and "Random" might get me some airplay if I push them right.
I was nominated for a Southern California Music Award in the hip hop category and the nomination party was 2 nights ago. Only the nominees performed. It was Stage, Conflict, F.S., Tha Banditz, Those Chosen and Young Casanova. It was a cool night but Young Casanova kinda throw things off. It was alot of stress for me because I put the whole night together. Young Casanova's DJ had his sound sounding terrible. He had the only actual band of the night and they showed up late and took forever setting up. And there was miscommunication with the tickets. Last time I do some one a favor and put my job on the line. I got BEEENNNNTTTT BAAACCCKKK that night while I was hosting. Shout out to Tanesha, the bartender, she made my French Connection super big on accident. I'mma upload the video of the show ASAP.
Oh, and I saw Stage after a few months and that nigga has gotten big since his gym membership. I'm def getting back on my work out shit. SUPER HARD lol. I don't know what they feeding them Blu Division niggas lmao.
I'm a writer for True Magazine now. Its been around for 10 years but I had never heard of it before I bumped into the owner on the train and we were politicking. My first interview was with Paul Wall and he was super cool. Gained more respect for that man and the way he talks about marriage makes me want to get married soon. I'll upload that when it comes out. My second interview was with a producer named J. Cardim. He's dope. Just put out a project called YOUR FAVORITE RAPPERS FAVORITE PRODUCER. Everyone is on it, Lil Wayne, Red Cafe, The Lox, Cassidy. He on his grind and we had a real good interview. I have to send that end tonight actually. I had to do 2 free interviews before I can get paid so I'm waiting on this next one to roll around cuz I'm ready to get PAID lol. WORD TO SLAV!
I'm sitting here waiting on Drake to upload his mixtape. Its suppose to be up before midnight and its 10:51pm now...tick toc lol.
Overall, I'm back. Pulling no punches and ready to fuck the game up. My CEO game is popping and you better get on board! I'mma be updating all of these blogs on the regular:
HOWTOBEANMC.blogspot.com
BESTCOASTENT.blogspot.com
CDOTVERSY.blogspot.com
And you will def get a project from me about every 3 months. Look out for:
I GOT THE O.J. GLOVES
A MAN APART
OPEN LETTER (ep)
GENTLEMAN TO GOON
Keep your eyes and ears open for C. Versy and BEST COAST ENT.
"Wait til they get a load of me..."
So...what's been new you ask? I've been recording. I'm halfway done with my mixtape, I GOT THE O.J. GLOVES. I know I said the first mixtape would be A MAN APART but the mood of all of these songs just fit better in the IGTOJG's theme. I'll actually be doing the mixing of this one. If you know me then you know I hate mixing my own songs but I need to get back to that aspect since its what I went to college for. Been recording with MADDOX in his studio. Not sure where I'mma mix tho because he doesn't have pro tools.
I'm back performing after not performing since september I think. I'm tearing stages down with my new shit. I finally got that songs I want. The shit that sounds good in a club but isn't a club song. I still do my "back pack emcee" thing. Tracks like "Lo Lo Drop" and "Random" might get me some airplay if I push them right.
I was nominated for a Southern California Music Award in the hip hop category and the nomination party was 2 nights ago. Only the nominees performed. It was Stage, Conflict, F.S., Tha Banditz, Those Chosen and Young Casanova. It was a cool night but Young Casanova kinda throw things off. It was alot of stress for me because I put the whole night together. Young Casanova's DJ had his sound sounding terrible. He had the only actual band of the night and they showed up late and took forever setting up. And there was miscommunication with the tickets. Last time I do some one a favor and put my job on the line. I got BEEENNNNTTTT BAAACCCKKK that night while I was hosting. Shout out to Tanesha, the bartender, she made my French Connection super big on accident. I'mma upload the video of the show ASAP.
Oh, and I saw Stage after a few months and that nigga has gotten big since his gym membership. I'm def getting back on my work out shit. SUPER HARD lol. I don't know what they feeding them Blu Division niggas lmao.
I'm a writer for True Magazine now. Its been around for 10 years but I had never heard of it before I bumped into the owner on the train and we were politicking. My first interview was with Paul Wall and he was super cool. Gained more respect for that man and the way he talks about marriage makes me want to get married soon. I'll upload that when it comes out. My second interview was with a producer named J. Cardim. He's dope. Just put out a project called YOUR FAVORITE RAPPERS FAVORITE PRODUCER. Everyone is on it, Lil Wayne, Red Cafe, The Lox, Cassidy. He on his grind and we had a real good interview. I have to send that end tonight actually. I had to do 2 free interviews before I can get paid so I'm waiting on this next one to roll around cuz I'm ready to get PAID lol. WORD TO SLAV!
I'm sitting here waiting on Drake to upload his mixtape. Its suppose to be up before midnight and its 10:51pm now...tick toc lol.
Overall, I'm back. Pulling no punches and ready to fuck the game up. My CEO game is popping and you better get on board! I'mma be updating all of these blogs on the regular:
HOWTOBEANMC.blogspot.com
BESTCOASTENT.blogspot.com
CDOTVERSY.blogspot.com
And you will def get a project from me about every 3 months. Look out for:
I GOT THE O.J. GLOVES
A MAN APART
OPEN LETTER (ep)
GENTLEMAN TO GOON
Keep your eyes and ears open for C. Versy and BEST COAST ENT.
"Wait til they get a load of me..."
Saturday, January 17, 2009
What to do when suicide doesn't work
I figured I'd explain the 16 from yesterday. When I was 13 I attempted to commit suicide. It didn't work at all...obviously lol. I was going through a lot at the time. I had recently found out I was given up as a baby and my parents weren't really my parents. And I had 6 lil brothers and sisters who were taken in a foster home due to the reasons in the song "Open Letter". And I just had regular teen drama that I don't even remember anymore lol. One day on my way home from school, I stole a pack of rat poison from Ralphs (funny that I later on became a Ralphs security guard). Then I went to Jack n the box and got a cup of water. I dumped the entire box rat poison in the cup and just casually walked home, drinking my death juice. It was nasty, I don't have to tell you that. I didn't feel a thing tho. But I think it affected my stomach because it just rumbles for no reason every now and then. And I have a muscle separation between my abs that I never noticed before I was 13. Other than that, I'm good. Mentally, after it didn't work, I figured I had a bigger purpose and went to work on the person you see now. And quite frankly, I'm the shit *smiles so the dimples show*
My point in writing about this is the hope that some one realizes life isn't that bad. You can always turn things around. Don't be the person who attempts suicide and it works and you leave behind a grieving family. DAMMIT go out there and be somebody lol
My point in writing about this is the hope that some one realizes life isn't that bad. You can always turn things around. Don't be the person who attempts suicide and it works and you leave behind a grieving family. DAMMIT go out there and be somebody lol
Friday, January 16, 2009
My Daily 16 bars: Day 16
My Daily 16 bars: day 16
When I was 13, I decided to ONE myself//
But I'm only 13, I can't get a gun myself//
Then I thought about slicing my wrist with a blade//
But couldn't cut deep enough, wasn't that brave//
Then I thought about popping mad pills//
But my mom needs her meds, she's ill//
Finally, I got it, the decision is in//
I'mma swallow a box of rat poison//
So here I am, eating defcon and drinking wa-ter//
Figured I'd feel sleepy when its all o-ver//
Its hard to swallow, I start choking//
Somethings wrong, this shit ain't working//
I mean, I feel fine, like it never happened//
Figured I'd be getting ready to see that casket//
Guess I'll go back home and sit down//
And just try to move on with my life now//
When I was 13, I decided to ONE myself//
But I'm only 13, I can't get a gun myself//
Then I thought about slicing my wrist with a blade//
But couldn't cut deep enough, wasn't that brave//
Then I thought about popping mad pills//
But my mom needs her meds, she's ill//
Finally, I got it, the decision is in//
I'mma swallow a box of rat poison//
So here I am, eating defcon and drinking wa-ter//
Figured I'd feel sleepy when its all o-ver//
Its hard to swallow, I start choking//
Somethings wrong, this shit ain't working//
I mean, I feel fine, like it never happened//
Figured I'd be getting ready to see that casket//
Guess I'll go back home and sit down//
And just try to move on with my life now//
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
My friday night
I had to talk about this. I don't like white clubs. Reason being, white clubs aren't about having fun. They only let in "pretty people" and nothing is popping unless your gonna buy $400 bottles. Black clubs or just urban clubs in general are about fun in general. I say all this because I was promoting for at a white club friday night and I had no white people on my guestlist. They letting in a gang of white chicks. No white guys unless you got girls with you. No niggas or fat people. I had a couple big people on my list. They came dressed up tho, looking good but kept getting the run around. I'm over it. I'm going back to pumping my own shit because I let people in if they dressed and ready to spend money. I was at the door all night trynna get my people in, ended up sick and didn't go in the club cuz they vibe was off. I'm going hard with the Best Coast events starting in feb. WORD!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Why you can't find mr right
Here's a conclusion I've come to. Girls are always looking for mr right...in most cases. You had that boyfriend when you were 16 who you thought you were gonna marry. Didn't happen, right? Here's why...
A man hits his sexual peak around 18 (I read that somewhere). So all we trynna do from puberty to high school is fuck. If we meet someone before college, it doesn't work because you get to college and its pussy everywhere. So we have time for 2 things, class and fucking.
After 4 years of college, we on the hunt for that job we majored in. We're 21. Once we get it, its gonna take a few years of hard work and brown nosing to get a comfortable lifestyle. At this point, the man is 25 atleast, depending on his major and how much extra years of school he had, he's 32.
A woman is looking for mr right all her life. A man isn't looking for ms right until his life is settled.
Even the average hood nigga wants to fuck around til about the same age as the businessman. The because its nothing but pussy in the hood. Single moms and girls who man is fucking other niggas so you fucking her. But then again, how many girls think there mr right is a hood nigga?
That doesn't mean you can't meet mr right young but chances are, he was mr wrong at the time and you didn't stick it out to see him become a better person. So do you wait for him to mature/change whatever or do you wait til you meet mr right when he's already mature?
A girl will marry a man no matter what shape her life is in. A man won't say I do til everything is right
I don't know, this blog is kinda up in the air. I don't feel like I got my point across lol. Point is (I guess) if you ready to find mr right, find a guy who has his life together. He has nothing to worry about except making you happy.
A man hits his sexual peak around 18 (I read that somewhere). So all we trynna do from puberty to high school is fuck. If we meet someone before college, it doesn't work because you get to college and its pussy everywhere. So we have time for 2 things, class and fucking.
After 4 years of college, we on the hunt for that job we majored in. We're 21. Once we get it, its gonna take a few years of hard work and brown nosing to get a comfortable lifestyle. At this point, the man is 25 atleast, depending on his major and how much extra years of school he had, he's 32.
A woman is looking for mr right all her life. A man isn't looking for ms right until his life is settled.
Even the average hood nigga wants to fuck around til about the same age as the businessman. The because its nothing but pussy in the hood. Single moms and girls who man is fucking other niggas so you fucking her. But then again, how many girls think there mr right is a hood nigga?
That doesn't mean you can't meet mr right young but chances are, he was mr wrong at the time and you didn't stick it out to see him become a better person. So do you wait for him to mature/change whatever or do you wait til you meet mr right when he's already mature?
A girl will marry a man no matter what shape her life is in. A man won't say I do til everything is right
I don't know, this blog is kinda up in the air. I don't feel like I got my point across lol. Point is (I guess) if you ready to find mr right, find a guy who has his life together. He has nothing to worry about except making you happy.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Reasons men cheat
This will be another long entry lol...
Women say all men cheat and I pretty much believe this to be true and I'm going to explain why.
First let me give some reasons. The number one reason is because women out number men in such big numbers. Its 12 to 1 in some areas. That gives even the ugliest man reason to cheat. Because there will always be a girl out there whose lonely, given up hope and doesn't care if she's the woman on the side. They just want some they can lay with at night because, man or woman, going to sleep alone is wack
2nd reason is boredom. If a man has too much time on his hands, that opens up the window for bad thoughts. Like "I wonder (insert exes name here) is doing" or "I wonder what chicks are online right now". Shit like that. Its nothing that his girl has done wrong, he just was bored and wasn thinking clearly.
Third reason, the girl your in a relationship with changed. Meaning she's not the person you fell in love with. Maybe she gained weight, stopped working so now her hair and clothes ain't fly, lost ambition. By that I mean, she became all about you and forgot about her goals. Ladies, making a man your whole world is a good way to drive him away or get taken advantage of. But back to the who change thing, guys don't want you to change. We want the girl we met with the banging body, good job, goals, had her own friends, etc.
Fourth reason, your girl is just an asshole. You got with her because she was the finest thing in the club but once you started going out you realized she had no class, loud, disrespectful, etc. You don't leave her because she's so fine. She knows she's so she gives you the "take it or leave it" excuse. In those cases, the guy will usually cheat with some1 unattractive but with a whole lot of personality.
The fifth reason, and probably the biggest, is because he can. We only do what women allow. If you let us get away with it once, depending on how fast you fuck us again, we'll do it again. Dick will turn a women's whole mind around. If you let your man fuck too soon after you caught him cheating, it shows that that's all it takes to get back in your good graces.
"Have her call me, I'll tell her the big dick ain't worth all the stress"
-Disappearing Acts
Last reason is simple. You not doing something in the bedroom. Ladies, trust me, if you won't do it, that loney girl will do whatever we ask. Quickest way to get cheated on is saying "I don't give head". I'm not saying do whatever he asks, like 3somes and shit. But don't super limit yourself either.
Myself, I've cheated. Never thought I would but I was "that guy" at one point. I was the awkward kid in school. I didn't really grow into my looks until right after high school graduation. I looked better, dressed better and had everything going for me. Great paying job, my own apartment at 18 and I could fuck...and I was working out lol. I'd get bored and call an ex up or meet some chick online and FACE would always find out. She'd catch me in bed with a chick or find text messages in my phone, she'd cry, I'd say I'm sorry and do it again. I was an asshole. Funny thing, I saw pops do the same thing to mom #3 and said I'd never be "that guy". Atleast now I know how to be a better boyfriend/man/husband but it took hurting people to get to that point.
To sum it all up, there are no good reasons to cheat but there are all reasons. Which reason are you?...
Women say all men cheat and I pretty much believe this to be true and I'm going to explain why.
First let me give some reasons. The number one reason is because women out number men in such big numbers. Its 12 to 1 in some areas. That gives even the ugliest man reason to cheat. Because there will always be a girl out there whose lonely, given up hope and doesn't care if she's the woman on the side. They just want some they can lay with at night because, man or woman, going to sleep alone is wack
2nd reason is boredom. If a man has too much time on his hands, that opens up the window for bad thoughts. Like "I wonder (insert exes name here) is doing" or "I wonder what chicks are online right now". Shit like that. Its nothing that his girl has done wrong, he just was bored and wasn thinking clearly.
Third reason, the girl your in a relationship with changed. Meaning she's not the person you fell in love with. Maybe she gained weight, stopped working so now her hair and clothes ain't fly, lost ambition. By that I mean, she became all about you and forgot about her goals. Ladies, making a man your whole world is a good way to drive him away or get taken advantage of. But back to the who change thing, guys don't want you to change. We want the girl we met with the banging body, good job, goals, had her own friends, etc.
Fourth reason, your girl is just an asshole. You got with her because she was the finest thing in the club but once you started going out you realized she had no class, loud, disrespectful, etc. You don't leave her because she's so fine. She knows she's so she gives you the "take it or leave it" excuse. In those cases, the guy will usually cheat with some1 unattractive but with a whole lot of personality.
The fifth reason, and probably the biggest, is because he can. We only do what women allow. If you let us get away with it once, depending on how fast you fuck us again, we'll do it again. Dick will turn a women's whole mind around. If you let your man fuck too soon after you caught him cheating, it shows that that's all it takes to get back in your good graces.
"Have her call me, I'll tell her the big dick ain't worth all the stress"
-Disappearing Acts
Last reason is simple. You not doing something in the bedroom. Ladies, trust me, if you won't do it, that loney girl will do whatever we ask. Quickest way to get cheated on is saying "I don't give head". I'm not saying do whatever he asks, like 3somes and shit. But don't super limit yourself either.
Myself, I've cheated. Never thought I would but I was "that guy" at one point. I was the awkward kid in school. I didn't really grow into my looks until right after high school graduation. I looked better, dressed better and had everything going for me. Great paying job, my own apartment at 18 and I could fuck...and I was working out lol. I'd get bored and call an ex up or meet some chick online and FACE would always find out. She'd catch me in bed with a chick or find text messages in my phone, she'd cry, I'd say I'm sorry and do it again. I was an asshole. Funny thing, I saw pops do the same thing to mom #3 and said I'd never be "that guy". Atleast now I know how to be a better boyfriend/man/husband but it took hurting people to get to that point.
To sum it all up, there are no good reasons to cheat but there are all reasons. Which reason are you?...
Saturday, December 27, 2008
X-Mas with the "dot"
Aight, so Christmas was a few days ago. Its really all about the kids. No adults got gifts from me. There is a reason for that. In '96 for xmas, I got pencils...and a plastic baseball holder...but no baseballs. You can totally tell my "parents" waiting til the last minute to buy gifts. That's what happens when you spend the shopping money on crack. I forget what my lil brothers and sisters got but it was something you could've gotten at a 24 hour Walgreens.
Anyway, I promised to myself to make my kids xmas better than that. Since I got layed off this month, my money was been slim. Any dollar I've made this last few weeks, I earned doing random things and didn't ask for with no job(hates asking for money). It was christmas eve and I still had no gifts. I got out of a meeting so late that just about every store was closed. I was not going home without a gift lol. I finally found a store that had vicious prices on gifts. I got a ton of toys and some stuff for my son to wear. I don't pay child support for him so I had to get him gifts. I pay alot of child support for my daughter so part of that made her xmas happy. She got alot of shit. She still needs some shoes tho, so today I'mma go get her some. My son needs pants also. A father's work is never done lol.
I didn't want anything this year. Just been putting stuff together for next year. People hate when I get in this mode because they get ignored lol. Oh well. I ate alot on food on xmas. Too much. Then I got high. Too high. Time to get ready for new years...
Anyway, I promised to myself to make my kids xmas better than that. Since I got layed off this month, my money was been slim. Any dollar I've made this last few weeks, I earned doing random things and didn't ask for with no job(hates asking for money). It was christmas eve and I still had no gifts. I got out of a meeting so late that just about every store was closed. I was not going home without a gift lol. I finally found a store that had vicious prices on gifts. I got a ton of toys and some stuff for my son to wear. I don't pay child support for him so I had to get him gifts. I pay alot of child support for my daughter so part of that made her xmas happy. She got alot of shit. She still needs some shoes tho, so today I'mma go get her some. My son needs pants also. A father's work is never done lol.
I didn't want anything this year. Just been putting stuff together for next year. People hate when I get in this mode because they get ignored lol. Oh well. I ate alot on food on xmas. Too much. Then I got high. Too high. Time to get ready for new years...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
By request, lyrics to "Open Letter"
No I never pumped the block// But I used to walk the block// In hoodies and holey socks// With my mom to get her rocks// She was sucking crazy cock// Just so pops can get his rocks// Til the cops got her locked// Couple months she was knocked// Letters and pictures from me and my sisters// Saying we miss ya// Waiting on you to be delivered// Back to us and not this nigga//Whose kicking you in your liver// Making your life sicker// This a open letter// Get better//
Hook:
Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)
Moms, why he grabbing you// Moms, why he smacking you//Moms, what's all these bruises on the front and back of you// Sorry I ain't big enough to go and run and tackle dude// But bet if I was, he'd be showing you some gratitude// You cook and clean for his kids// He should cater to his Wiz(Wisdom)// I know it ain't fair// How he drags you by your hair// Can't call the cops you scared// He gonna beat you til you dead// But you don't listen, you take him back the next day// You don't think, you high as fuck in the first place// Because you love him, the kids suffereing everyday// He won't be happy til he puts you in that morge place// He raise his hand again, cool// I pull my knife out on dude// He husband/fathering who?// He better watch how I move// Cuz I don't tolerate disrespect momma// And we kids to young for all this drama//
Hook:
Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)
So you kicked him out// Now we on a cash drought// What we gonna do now?// I gotta steal to feed mouths// You still couldn't get it right// You'd still hit the pipe// You'd smoke away your life// We'd go hungry at night// I know you aching// When the kids got taken// I can hear your heart breaking// Sympathy, you gets nathun// Cuz you part of the 2 reasons they gone// pedophile dad, crackhead moms//I hope where ever you at, you finally sober now// We lost a lot of time, I'm grown with a kid now// We need to catch up, just me you and lil man// Open letter from your son slash your biggest fan// I said we need to catch up, just me, you and lil man// Open letter from your son slash your biggest fan//
Hook:
Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)
Hook:
Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)
Moms, why he grabbing you// Moms, why he smacking you//Moms, what's all these bruises on the front and back of you// Sorry I ain't big enough to go and run and tackle dude// But bet if I was, he'd be showing you some gratitude// You cook and clean for his kids// He should cater to his Wiz(Wisdom)// I know it ain't fair// How he drags you by your hair// Can't call the cops you scared// He gonna beat you til you dead// But you don't listen, you take him back the next day// You don't think, you high as fuck in the first place// Because you love him, the kids suffereing everyday// He won't be happy til he puts you in that morge place// He raise his hand again, cool// I pull my knife out on dude// He husband/fathering who?// He better watch how I move// Cuz I don't tolerate disrespect momma// And we kids to young for all this drama//
Hook:
Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)
So you kicked him out// Now we on a cash drought// What we gonna do now?// I gotta steal to feed mouths// You still couldn't get it right// You'd still hit the pipe// You'd smoke away your life// We'd go hungry at night// I know you aching// When the kids got taken// I can hear your heart breaking// Sympathy, you gets nathun// Cuz you part of the 2 reasons they gone// pedophile dad, crackhead moms//I hope where ever you at, you finally sober now// We lost a lot of time, I'm grown with a kid now// We need to catch up, just me you and lil man// Open letter from your son slash your biggest fan// I said we need to catch up, just me, you and lil man// Open letter from your son slash your biggest fan//
Hook:
Mom, where you at? (Where you at)
And when you gone stop smoking that crack//
This my open letter put to a track
Can I get a soul clap, can I get a soul clap (2x)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
FLASHBACK: Thanksgiving
I think it was 2000 and me and mom#2 (read earlier blog entry) had nowhere to go for thanksgiving. We usually go to my uncle's house but this year he is in jail so its just me and mom. We didn't cook. We were going to go to my aunts but neither of us felt like it. We ordered pizza instead. That was probably my favorite thanksgiving to date. We just sat and talked and ate pizza. My mom gets on my nerves sometimes but she's the best. She don't have to worry about me getting all "eminem/cleaning out my closet" on her lol
Thursday, December 18, 2008
This chapter is called "THE LAYOFF"
So I walk in the house monday night and as soon as I walk in I get a call from my job. The call is saying that they are laying off all the seasonal workers before the season is over. I was starting to tolerate this job and actually was looking forward to making the transition from seasonal employee to regular employee but when they called I was relieved.
I'm relieved because I honestly hate any job that's not music. Relieved because I won't be working my ass off just so child support can take over half of my check. Relieved because I can stop treating music like some part time shit.
This is probably the greatest thing to happen to me on the professional stand point. As soon as that call was done, I was back on my shit. I set up meetings, studio time, got new artist for the label and things are rolling. I'm going to make music pay because I have the smarts to do it, I just never had the time. Now I'm putting my foot in the rap game's ass. From here on out, I'll always have an update for you on the rap side of things. Keep reading people, its going to be a amazing ride
BEST COAST IS THE WEST COAST!!
Oh and for the faggot ass nigga from Philly trynna call out the bossman Loaded Lux....FUCK YOU, YOU UNKNOWN ASS NIGGA! SO WHAT HE WAS ON 106 AND PARK, HE MADE IT INTO THE FREESTYLE FRIDAY HALL OF FAME! FUCK YOU EVER DO WITH YOUR LIFE YOU FAKE FREEWAY BEARD ASS NIGGA!
And now back to our regularly scheduled grind...I mean program *smiles*
I'm relieved because I honestly hate any job that's not music. Relieved because I won't be working my ass off just so child support can take over half of my check. Relieved because I can stop treating music like some part time shit.
This is probably the greatest thing to happen to me on the professional stand point. As soon as that call was done, I was back on my shit. I set up meetings, studio time, got new artist for the label and things are rolling. I'm going to make music pay because I have the smarts to do it, I just never had the time. Now I'm putting my foot in the rap game's ass. From here on out, I'll always have an update for you on the rap side of things. Keep reading people, its going to be a amazing ride
BEST COAST IS THE WEST COAST!!
Oh and for the faggot ass nigga from Philly trynna call out the bossman Loaded Lux....FUCK YOU, YOU UNKNOWN ASS NIGGA! SO WHAT HE WAS ON 106 AND PARK, HE MADE IT INTO THE FREESTYLE FRIDAY HALL OF FAME! FUCK YOU EVER DO WITH YOUR LIFE YOU FAKE FREEWAY BEARD ASS NIGGA!
And now back to our regularly scheduled grind...I mean program *smiles*
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Flashback: Mortal Kombat
I found myself playing Mortal Kombat Trilogy the other day on ps2 and that took me way back. I haven't really played it since the 90's on super nintendo lol. Things were simplier then. I was in elementary, had a crush on a girl named christina who had a phat ass lol, and I passed time by creating whole worlds with legos.
My best friends were eric and jamal, I heard my first 2pac tape and had my 1st sleep over at my asian homeboy Vincents house.
I was on the honor roll and got academic awards all the time.
Mortal Kombat back then was catching a lot of slack cuz of all the blood in the game. You either had mortal kombat or street fighter or both.
Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle was the new shit and power rangers was popping. The 1st generation of power rangers lol.
My best friends were eric and jamal, I heard my first 2pac tape and had my 1st sleep over at my asian homeboy Vincents house.
I was on the honor roll and got academic awards all the time.
Mortal Kombat back then was catching a lot of slack cuz of all the blood in the game. You either had mortal kombat or street fighter or both.
Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle was the new shit and power rangers was popping. The 1st generation of power rangers lol.
Friday, December 12, 2008
How a jumpoff becomes a relationship
I figured I'd write this after a conversation I had in the studio. Enjoy. Oh and I'm writing from a guys perspective.
Ok, so it starts out real simple. You call/text this girl up when you want some sex. Nothings wrong with her, its just circumstances keep her from being your girl. Either she has a man, you have a girl, your busy, she's busy, etc. You don't go out unless its to kill time til you can fuck.
Here lies the problem. You as the guy can't give the girl some weak dick cuz word gets out that you can't fuck. So what do you do? You fuck her like she's your girl. Do all the back breaking shit you do to a chick you love. The pro's and con's of that is word gets out that your a great fuck and her homegirls hit you up on some side shit and the con is the jumpoff confuses lust with love. She starts wanting to do shit besides fucking or stuff that doesn't end with you fucking. You don't say anything because you got used to sex on the regular and don't feel like going through the process of breaking in a new chick.
Now months go by, the jumpoff has become your girl and has phased herself into your life. Met your fam on the holidays, met your friends, top 8 in your myspace, number 1 in your fav 5, wack ass pics you took in the mall, tons of non sex nights.
How do you avoid this? There are a few solutions. Dip as soon as she starts not giving up the ass. Or fuck with the purpose of pleasing yourself mostly. Don't set dates. Only meet up if its understood that your fucking and make plans to leave after.
Matter of fact, don't even give up last names, myspaces, home number, etc.
Luckily I'm starting to gain some status and people are starting to know my name and got my ringtones and shit lol that I don't deal with that type of drama anymore. Me and my girl might jump off roleplay tho...that sounds like a idea lol
Ok, so it starts out real simple. You call/text this girl up when you want some sex. Nothings wrong with her, its just circumstances keep her from being your girl. Either she has a man, you have a girl, your busy, she's busy, etc. You don't go out unless its to kill time til you can fuck.
Here lies the problem. You as the guy can't give the girl some weak dick cuz word gets out that you can't fuck. So what do you do? You fuck her like she's your girl. Do all the back breaking shit you do to a chick you love. The pro's and con's of that is word gets out that your a great fuck and her homegirls hit you up on some side shit and the con is the jumpoff confuses lust with love. She starts wanting to do shit besides fucking or stuff that doesn't end with you fucking. You don't say anything because you got used to sex on the regular and don't feel like going through the process of breaking in a new chick.
Now months go by, the jumpoff has become your girl and has phased herself into your life. Met your fam on the holidays, met your friends, top 8 in your myspace, number 1 in your fav 5, wack ass pics you took in the mall, tons of non sex nights.
How do you avoid this? There are a few solutions. Dip as soon as she starts not giving up the ass. Or fuck with the purpose of pleasing yourself mostly. Don't set dates. Only meet up if its understood that your fucking and make plans to leave after.
Matter of fact, don't even give up last names, myspaces, home number, etc.
Luckily I'm starting to gain some status and people are starting to know my name and got my ringtones and shit lol that I don't deal with that type of drama anymore. Me and my girl might jump off roleplay tho...that sounds like a idea lol
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Mom(s)
If you know me...like really know me then you know I have 3 moms. I'm going to attempt to break this down. The order is based on appearance, not by importance
MOM #1: Her name is Sheila. This is my birth mom. For whatever reason, I was given up at a few months old. Born in september and given up around that december. I was given to some one who was a friend of my mom and that person took me to her mom.
MOM #2: Her name is Celia. This is the mom of the person I was originally given to. When she got me, I was dirty. My skin was coming off my body from wearing the same dirty ass diaper and I had no skin on my scalp. She didn't take me to a hospital because child services would take me and apparently I was given up from Sheila because she was on her way to jail and didn't want me to end up with children services. Celia nursed me back to health. At the time she was with a man named Ronald. When they split, he took me with him. I was a couple years old at this point.
MOM #3: Her name is Debra. Ronald got with her after splitting with Celia. They were a couple who were hooked on drugs and had no kids. Ronald had a daughter with another woman, my lil sis Ash, and then they began to have their own kids. 5 of them. In 98, 99 I moved back with Celia because I was on a downward spiral and its been me and Celia (momma san) since.
I was lead to believe Celia was my birth mom til mom #3 told me the truth in 97. Funny thing, I kinda always knew it. I always knew there was a big ass secret everyone was keeping from me. I didn't meet Sheila until 2005 and that's only because FACE looked my fam up online. Shit took 5 mins. Sheila kept in touch with people who knew my whereabouts but she never contacted me. She had my number and everything but never called, wrote a letter, etc. I called and talked my uncle and aunt and eventually a big sis who said they had been looking for me but they didn't know my last name or what city I was in. I found out Sheila was in jail and the following week I caught the train from LA to Salinas, CA. Me and pregnant ass FACE lol. If you've ever see Antwon Fisher movie, it was just like that. I walked in and everyone was there. Cousins, brother, sisters, aunts, uncle, grandma and a bunch of food. Lil brother looks like me. Its weird to see some1 that looks like you so late in life. The next morning me, FACE, my big sis and her husband made the drive to see my mom at the jail. She had no idea I was coming. I just sat down on the other side of the glass. The convo went like this:
ME: Hi mom
SHEILA: Hi...who are you
ME: I'm Randy
SHEILA: What's your name?
ME: Randy Conner
SHEILA: My son Randy?
ME: Yes
At this point, she starts crying and telling the other female inmates who I am. After that visit I went back home and came back when she was released. Actually, it was the day before my birthday. The day before, I met my dad for the first time. He's a truck driver and had just hit cali from mississippi a day before Hurricane Katrina. He looks and walks like me. Me, him and pregnant ass FACE lol drove in his truck trailer from my crib in Glendale, CA back to Salinas and I met his side of the family and we all went to see my mom in a rehab/halfway house. The next day was my birthday. I saw Sheila once then. I never got an explanation for why I was given up and the rest of her kids weren't and why she never hit me up. So until I get that explanation, I won't be calling her.
Debra is the woman I'm talking about in the song "open letter". That song hurts to perform now because i found out she didn't get the point and is back to smoking crack. So expect a part 2 soon. Her 5 kids ended up in a foster home after I moved out in 99. 3 girls, 2 boys. All 3 girls ran away from the home one by one. Deb has made no attempt to get her kids (my lil brothers and sisters) back. So its a big "fuck you" for life. If you haven't heard "open letter" then go check it out. She saw me perform it once and cried. That's why I made the song. Just for her.
So yea, its just me and Celia aka C.C. Baby aka Momma San *asian voice*. She get on my damn nerves but that's my nigga lol. I drop everything when she needs me. She's old and sick and I promised her a castle when I was little so I'm working on it now before she leaves this earth.
MOM #1: Her name is Sheila. This is my birth mom. For whatever reason, I was given up at a few months old. Born in september and given up around that december. I was given to some one who was a friend of my mom and that person took me to her mom.
MOM #2: Her name is Celia. This is the mom of the person I was originally given to. When she got me, I was dirty. My skin was coming off my body from wearing the same dirty ass diaper and I had no skin on my scalp. She didn't take me to a hospital because child services would take me and apparently I was given up from Sheila because she was on her way to jail and didn't want me to end up with children services. Celia nursed me back to health. At the time she was with a man named Ronald. When they split, he took me with him. I was a couple years old at this point.
MOM #3: Her name is Debra. Ronald got with her after splitting with Celia. They were a couple who were hooked on drugs and had no kids. Ronald had a daughter with another woman, my lil sis Ash, and then they began to have their own kids. 5 of them. In 98, 99 I moved back with Celia because I was on a downward spiral and its been me and Celia (momma san) since.
I was lead to believe Celia was my birth mom til mom #3 told me the truth in 97. Funny thing, I kinda always knew it. I always knew there was a big ass secret everyone was keeping from me. I didn't meet Sheila until 2005 and that's only because FACE looked my fam up online. Shit took 5 mins. Sheila kept in touch with people who knew my whereabouts but she never contacted me. She had my number and everything but never called, wrote a letter, etc. I called and talked my uncle and aunt and eventually a big sis who said they had been looking for me but they didn't know my last name or what city I was in. I found out Sheila was in jail and the following week I caught the train from LA to Salinas, CA. Me and pregnant ass FACE lol. If you've ever see Antwon Fisher movie, it was just like that. I walked in and everyone was there. Cousins, brother, sisters, aunts, uncle, grandma and a bunch of food. Lil brother looks like me. Its weird to see some1 that looks like you so late in life. The next morning me, FACE, my big sis and her husband made the drive to see my mom at the jail. She had no idea I was coming. I just sat down on the other side of the glass. The convo went like this:
ME: Hi mom
SHEILA: Hi...who are you
ME: I'm Randy
SHEILA: What's your name?
ME: Randy Conner
SHEILA: My son Randy?
ME: Yes
At this point, she starts crying and telling the other female inmates who I am. After that visit I went back home and came back when she was released. Actually, it was the day before my birthday. The day before, I met my dad for the first time. He's a truck driver and had just hit cali from mississippi a day before Hurricane Katrina. He looks and walks like me. Me, him and pregnant ass FACE lol drove in his truck trailer from my crib in Glendale, CA back to Salinas and I met his side of the family and we all went to see my mom in a rehab/halfway house. The next day was my birthday. I saw Sheila once then. I never got an explanation for why I was given up and the rest of her kids weren't and why she never hit me up. So until I get that explanation, I won't be calling her.
Debra is the woman I'm talking about in the song "open letter". That song hurts to perform now because i found out she didn't get the point and is back to smoking crack. So expect a part 2 soon. Her 5 kids ended up in a foster home after I moved out in 99. 3 girls, 2 boys. All 3 girls ran away from the home one by one. Deb has made no attempt to get her kids (my lil brothers and sisters) back. So its a big "fuck you" for life. If you haven't heard "open letter" then go check it out. She saw me perform it once and cried. That's why I made the song. Just for her.
So yea, its just me and Celia aka C.C. Baby aka Momma San *asian voice*. She get on my damn nerves but that's my nigga lol. I drop everything when she needs me. She's old and sick and I promised her a castle when I was little so I'm working on it now before she leaves this earth.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Frustrated
So I'm sitting up watching "Britney Spears: For the record" and I'm reflecting over my life (weird...right?) and I'm just overly frustrated for alot of reasons
I'm upset that I can't do anything about my music situation. I can't do shows without a car. Can't get to the studio which means I can't finish my mixtape and give my manager something to manage. I'm too busy trynna go to work and go to interviews for a second job. So now my head is full of ideas that I can't put to a beat or to a pro tools session rather.
I'm also upset because people around me aren't struggling like I am. My son's mom goes to the club every weekend. My daughters mom is buying a new lap top....my child support dollars hard at work. I don't want to see people suffer but shit, I don't want people happy around me either lol. I'd rather just be alone
And in me wanting to be alone, I can't get a moment to myself it seems. Everybody wants to asks whats wrong and I hate that. If you not going to help, why ask?
Having a car will end all my frustrations because then I can get a 2nd job easier, get to the studio and just get away when people get on my nerves. Until I get a car, I'mma channel my rage into working out lol. I'm gonna be so ripped. At this point, I'd cop a bucket just to get away
Time to hit craigslist and see who selling buckets in the recession lol
I'm upset that I can't do anything about my music situation. I can't do shows without a car. Can't get to the studio which means I can't finish my mixtape and give my manager something to manage. I'm too busy trynna go to work and go to interviews for a second job. So now my head is full of ideas that I can't put to a beat or to a pro tools session rather.
I'm also upset because people around me aren't struggling like I am. My son's mom goes to the club every weekend. My daughters mom is buying a new lap top....my child support dollars hard at work. I don't want to see people suffer but shit, I don't want people happy around me either lol. I'd rather just be alone
And in me wanting to be alone, I can't get a moment to myself it seems. Everybody wants to asks whats wrong and I hate that. If you not going to help, why ask?
Having a car will end all my frustrations because then I can get a 2nd job easier, get to the studio and just get away when people get on my nerves. Until I get a car, I'mma channel my rage into working out lol. I'm gonna be so ripped. At this point, I'd cop a bucket just to get away
Time to hit craigslist and see who selling buckets in the recession lol
Monday, November 24, 2008
RANDOM
I'm in a weird spot. I want to record but have nowhere to record right now. I'm in a bad mood and that's the only thing that will make me feel better. I've been writing concept songs like crazy lately. My new shit is gonna drop jaws!
My living situation is ass. Too many people in one house. I miss living on my own. Half my check goes to rent, half goes to child support. THATS SO ASS! That means I can't put shit away to get my car fixed, get a new car or down payment on my own spot.
I'm back in that real dark spot I don't like. I look mad all the time and nothing seems to be working out for the better. I predict the next few songs will be real dark in mood.
On a lighter note, I've gotten my performance bug back. I'm probably going to hit some open mics the next few nights and see whats popping. I need to get back on the scene, get the name out there.
Time for me to hit the library. I haven't been on my book game like I used to be. Talking with Tranquility got me motivated me to get back in to black history studies. You ever think you're the smartest person you know til you meet some1 that makes you feel dumb? That's the advantage to surrounding yourself with people doing better than you. The artist I'm around rub off on me. Tranquility's knowledge bug rubbed off on me and Stage's new singles got me looking at song marketing differently.
All in all, I feel lost and its something only I can fix. Lets see how this turns out....
My living situation is ass. Too many people in one house. I miss living on my own. Half my check goes to rent, half goes to child support. THATS SO ASS! That means I can't put shit away to get my car fixed, get a new car or down payment on my own spot.
I'm back in that real dark spot I don't like. I look mad all the time and nothing seems to be working out for the better. I predict the next few songs will be real dark in mood.
On a lighter note, I've gotten my performance bug back. I'm probably going to hit some open mics the next few nights and see whats popping. I need to get back on the scene, get the name out there.
Time for me to hit the library. I haven't been on my book game like I used to be. Talking with Tranquility got me motivated me to get back in to black history studies. You ever think you're the smartest person you know til you meet some1 that makes you feel dumb? That's the advantage to surrounding yourself with people doing better than you. The artist I'm around rub off on me. Tranquility's knowledge bug rubbed off on me and Stage's new singles got me looking at song marketing differently.
All in all, I feel lost and its something only I can fix. Lets see how this turns out....
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Time For Change Has Come!
Yes! We did it people. We finally got Bush out of office. We finally got a black man in office. We finally showed that we have a voice when we come together. We made history and if you didn't vote I hope you feel bad.
Now, its Nov 5th. The day after. I hope black people got up and are going to work. Don't be a nigger and declare this a black holiday and call off. We still got our own job to do. Times are still hard. We are still broke. Lets do what we have to/suppose to do.
C "dot" still working like Bush is in office. In the words of Loaded Lux "All day cake'n, everyday stack'n, what hannin" lol.
If this election has taught us anything, its that anything is possible. You can be anything you want to be in life but you have to have the knowledge of the job and do it better than the next man. As a father, I have to stay on top of my shit otherwise my seeds might fail and I can't let that happen. Its still up to you to make things better for yourself. Let this be an inspiration to us all
OBAMA BITCHES! PAINT THE WHITE HOUSE BLACK!
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